We have entered the doorway; we stand before a staircase enshrouded almost completely in this sullen, almost suffocating darkness. Here we shall pause for our preliminary investigations… Ah, behold these ancient bronze railings with their heavy flakes of coppery rust, and if we move along here there is what appears to be… My God! The paint has been scuffed away here and here in the shape of teeth marks, almost as if they have been made by wild animals or in any case an inhuman, savage creature… What has happened in the confines of this darkness, what secrets might it hold… And if we look closer here you can see a dent, then another, in the handles of the railings, that coupled with the absolute stillness of the environment, seems to suggest a supernatural violence… Can it be that the disturbed spirits of the dead have pervaded this ancient hallway?

(A powerful flashlight suddenly flicks on and beams a tunnel of white light onto the walls. We glimpse the outlines of a staircase and a mailbox, most distinctly ordinary-looking.)

Goddammit, (indistinct) out! (The light abruptly flicks out.)

Ahem! And so, as we come upon this most extraordinary mystery in this most ancient and haunted house, we shall presently begin to use our ghost sensor, which shall hopefully aid us in discovering the auras of the supernatural presences...

(A long, angry goat’s bleat.)

My god, what is that sound? Did you hear it, did you hear it? Can it be an animal spirit that has returned to haunt the building in which its owner has tragically, tragically perished?

(A faint, quick scuffling sound. A low, long, angry bleat.)

(Shakily, fearfully) Can it be a stray after all? Yes (hastily), yes, I daresay it must be, a stray that… Aaarrrgh!

[Cuts to black.]